Parents are in crisis: 3 ways to start addressing their mental health

Parents stressed out with their kids. — The Surgeon General’s advisory reports that parents face almost double the stress level of people who don’t have children. About 70% of parents agree it’s more challenging than two decades ago.

Parenting is a big job, and it is a gift most parents don’t take for granted. But it’s far from easy. Even in the best of times, it can feel overwhelming and lonely without the right support.

There are currently 63 million U.S. parents living with children younger than 18. About a third of young adults (ages 18-34) live with their parents, and 54% of parents in their 40s are also caregivers of aging parents. Parents are helping everyone else … but who is helping them?

The COVID-19 pandemic shined a spotlight on parental stress, as moms, dads, and guardians added limited child care, the chaos that can come with working from home, and the risk of viral exposure to the existing laundry list of parental concerns: safety at school, nutrition, substance use, sleep habits, social media overload, and more.

That’s a lot of emotional pressure at home, on top of work, community, and social responsibilities. In August 2024, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, M.D., M.B.A., acknowledged that parental mental health in the U.S. has reached crisis level.

The Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents, Parents Under Pressure, reports that parents face almost double the stress level of peers who don’t have children: 41% say they’re so stressed most days that they can’t function (compared to 20% of non-parents); 48% are completely overwhelmed most days (compared to 26% of non-parents.

If parenting feels tougher than it used to be, you’re not alone. About 70% of parents agree it’s more challenging than two decades ago. I can relate – I sat down to read the Surgeon General’s advisory three times, and each time, my kids needed something right now.

Managing parental stress is not as easy as “making time for self-care” or “using your PTO.” These are out-of-reach luxuries for families that are just trying to make ends meet due to:

Cost of living: Child care prices have gone up 26% in the last decade. One in four parents say that in the past year, they did not have enough money for basic expenses.
Lack of time: Women work outside the home 28% more and men 4% more than in 1985. At the same time, women have put in 40% more hours for child care and men 154% more. These are hours taken from family time, self-care, and leisure.
Lack of parental leave: There is no federal paid parental leave policy. Many parents, especially dads, have little to no leave, and for those who do, it is often brief and unpaid.

If you’re feeling stressed, it is not your fault, and you are not failing your kids. We see you doing all you can for your family. While health care providers are here to support you through the ups and downs of parenting, society needs to change and give parents better support.

The Surgeon General’s Advisory is a starting point to get parents the help they desperately need. While we advocate for improvements through policy, there are steps we all can take to make parenting a little easier.

1. Connect with a community: You are not alone

There are a lot of parents who deal with feelings of inadequacy, especially if you’re doing all you can but can’t get ahead. These feelings can be very isolating – like you are carrying the world on your shoulders, and there’s no way to ease the burden.

"The Surgeon General’s report notes that children whose primary caregiver has poor mental health are twice as likely to have a mental health condition and four times as likely to have poor general health."

Meitra Doty, M.D.

According to the Surgeon General’s report, 65% of parents and guardians and 77% of single parents and guardians experience loneliness, compared with 55% of those who don’t have children.

It would be easy to say, “So, make some friends.” But child care, transportation, and just taking a minute for yourself can make networking a tall order. A better suggestion is to find community in places where like-minded people gather. This can be a group of moms at a playground, a religious institution, or an online or in-person support group designed for parents.

A health care provider or community organization can refer you to a therapist who can help you work through feelings of parental guilt, anxiety, or resentment, which can bubble up when you feel isolated. Taking care of your mental health will benefit you and your child. The Surgeon General’s report notes that children whose primary caregiver has poor mental health are twice as likely to have a mental health condition and four times as likely to have poor general health.

2. Ask for and accept help

Many parents struggle to see themselves as needing care, since they’re always the ones giving it. Asking for support doesn’t mean you are not doing a good job – you’re already doing more than one person should have to handle. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” exists for a reason, and with today’s pressures, it’s more relevant than ever.

Dad napping with his son. — Mental health can be just as important as physical health. The Surgeon General’s advisory cited 23.9% of parents reporting a mental illness, and 5.7% said their symptoms were severe.

Mental health can be just as important as physical health. According to the Surgeon General’s report, 23.9% of parents surveyed between 2020 and 2021 reported having a mental illness, while 5.7% of parents described their mental illness as severe. Parents also experience other factors, such as getting less sleep and increased stress that can worsen existing conditions. Seeking help, whether through therapy, psychiatry, or reaching out to friends and family, can be the first step in managing mental health challenges.

Unfortunately, parents often feel that help is out of reach, even when they want it. Middle-class families might earn too much to qualify for financial assistance, but don’t make enough to afford essential health services that aren’t fully covered by insurance, such as prescriptions, allergy shots, and therapy.

However, both middle- and lower-income families may not be aware of resources available in the Dallas-Fort Worth area and nationwide, and you might be surprised by who qualifies. For example:

Senior caregiving: UTSW COVE makes house calls for patients 65 and older. This service can save you the time and stress of transporting your aging parent to a doctor’s visit around your family’s activities.
Free and low-cost health services: The Everyone Project lists local resources for everything from primary care to mental health services.
Telehealth: Several UTSW offices offer video or phone visits for parents who might not have the time, child care, or transportation necessary to travel to a doctor’s office.
Food and nutrition: UTSW Food is Medicine programs connect families experiencing food scarcity with nutrient-rich groceries and meals.

3. Control the controllables

Over time, parental stress can lead to new or worsened mental and physical health conditions, such as anxiety and neck or back pain. When your attention is on your children, it can be hard to stay on top of preventive care, such as eye exams, dental visits, and vaccinations. Delaying a doctor’s visit until illness becomes an emergency can double down on your stress.

Here are some tips to help you take care of your health while raising your children:

Keep a calendar: It can be easy for routine checkups to fly under the radar when you’re busy with child care and work. Keep a calendar of your most important appointments so you aren’t trying to remember all the dates in your head. Auto-reminders from your provider can also be a good way to keep up.
Avoid substance use: It’s common that people use drinking and smoking as coping strategies in the face of stress. Substance use might feel good in the moment, but it can deteriorate your health long term. Living with a parent who has a substance use disorder is linked to worse physical, behavioral, and mental health in children long term. Stopping a habit is tough but manageable with the right support from a health care provider and peer community.

You are doing an incredible job as a parent. We see how hard you work and how much you care for your children. It’s time for society to step up and provide the support your family needs to thrive.

The Surgeon General’s advisory is the first movement toward real change in the public health crisis that is parental stress. And as we collectively work in pursuit of policies that support parents and families, experts at UT Southwestern are here to support you and your family.

To talk with an expert about parental stress, call 214-645-8300 or request an appointment online.