Harold C. Simmons Comprehensive Cancer Center

Managing Grief

At UT Southwestern’s Harold C. Simmons Comprehensive Cancer Center, we care deeply about our patients and their loved ones, and our care extends beyond diagnosis and treatment with our grief support program. Grief is a natural response to death, and each person grieves differently. The information on this page is intended to offer general guidance to support those who have lost a family member, partner, parent, friend, sibling, or child to cancer.

Understanding Grief

Grief is intense mental anguish, deep remorse, and/or sorrow experienced after significant loss, usually the death of a beloved person. It is a normal and natural reaction to the death of a loved one. Grief can affect us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. These reactions can also occur before a loved one’s death, and other times we experience them much later. Experts have defined these as anticipatory, delayed, and complicated grief.

Loss: The fact of no longer having something or having less of it than before.

Bereaved: Someone who is suffering the death of a loved one.

Bereavement: The period or state of grief and mourning after experiencing the death of a loved one.

Mourning: The outward expression of grief and loss. Mourning involves physical activities or gestures. For example, when one experiences the death of a loved one, a funeral and/or wake is customary to express mourning. It may also involve wearing a particular color of clothes, engaging in specific activities, or expressing grief through crying, praying, or celebrating dates that hold special meaning. Mourning is highly related to the culture, traditions, and/or religion of the bereaved.

"The word ‘grief’ is the simple shorthand we use for what is actually a highly complex mixture of thoughts and feelings. Grief is everything we think and feel inside after someone we love dies or leaves or something we are attached to goes away. In other words, grief is the instinctive human response to loss.”

Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Techniques for Coping with Grief

Your grief is unique to you

Grief manifests in different ways for everyone, and it may show up in ways you or others haven’t seen before. There is no value in comparing your grief to that of others. Remember, grief doesn’t follow a timeline or a linear process. The goal is not to seek closure, but to walk through the grief in your own way and at your own pace.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings

Grief may stir up a range of emotions – sadness, anger, loneliness, fear, guilt, or even relief. Your feelings are valid, and you have permission to experience them fully. It’s important to remember that there is no “right” way to grieve, and others may not always understand what you’re going through.

Set healthy boundaries

Loss can leave you feeling more tired or overwhelmed than usual. Be kind to yourself. Take breaks, rest, have alone time, and practice saying no when needed. Protecting your mental and emotional energy is crucial during this time.

Identify your support system

Reach out to people you trust, those who allow you to be open and vulnerable. It’s helpful to have a support system of individuals who are there to listen, comfort, and share in your grief so you don’t have to walk this path alone.

Explore your needs

Ask yourself, “What do I need right now? Who can help me meet these needs?” You may discover that there are new people, groups, or organizations that can offer support. Accepting help, even in new forms, can lighten the load of grief.

Take care of your physical health

It’s easy to overlook self-care during grief, but maintaining your physical health is important. Focus on eating nutritious meals, getting enough rest, exercising, and staying on top of your medical appointments. Caring for your body can help support your emotional well-being.

Embrace your faith or spirituality

If you’re grappling with questions like “How?” or “Why?” this may be a time to lean into your faith or spirituality. Engage in practices that resonate with you – whether it’s prayer, meditation, journaling, mindfulness, or other rituals that bring comfort.

Create new traditions or rituals

Honoring your loved one can be a deeply meaningful way to remember them. You may choose to establish new traditions, such as planting flowers, cooking their favorite meal, or wearing a piece of their jewelry. If you feel ready, creating a new ritual could help you celebrate their life in a way that aligns with your personal journey.

Hold on to hope and gratitude

Grief may never fully go away, but over time, its intensity will lessen. Remember that your connection with your loved one doesn’t end with their death. It’s normal to continue talking to them or finding other ways to feel connected. Keep hope alive and nurture feelings of gratitude for the moments you shared together.

Seek meaning, identity, and purpose

The loss of a loved one may lead to a search for meaning, and it’s OK to explore new avenues. Consider picking up new hobbies, forming new relationships, or joining a support group. Engaging in activities that bring you joy or fulfillment can help rebuild your sense of identity.

Grief is not an illness

Grief is a natural response to loss, not something that needs to be “fixed.” It’s common to experience a wide range of emotions during this time. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do. While counseling may not be necessary for everyone, some people find it helpful to talk to a professional as they navigate difficult emotions. Remember, it’s OK to seek help whenever you feel you need it.

Helping Children Grieve

Losing a parent is one of the most impactful losses for a child. Parent loss changes the life of the child and has a profound impact throughout the child’s life. It is common to withhold information surrounding the illness and circumstances of the death from a child with the assumption that they are not old enough to understand. Research in childhood bereavement has shown us that children’s development has an influence on their understanding of death and loss. This knowledge informs us on how to discuss death, grief, mourning, and memory with children. It allows us to support children as they navigate life without their parent.

How to Talk to Children About Death

Communicate openly: Use age-appropriate language to explain what’s happening. Consider normalizing using words such as “death,” “dead,” and “died.” Children think literally, so avoid using euphemisms like “they went to sleep,” “gone to a better place,” “kicked the bucket,” or “passed away.”
Reassure them: Let them know that their feelings are normal and that you’re there for them.
Listen: Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. You may need to use arts and crafts, active play, or other forms of expression.
Provide support: Offer ongoing support and help them identify healthy ways to cope.
Maintain routines: Provide structure by continuing regular activities such as school, sports, and hobbies.
Celebrate the parent: Look through photos and videos or share happy stories about the deceased parent.
Seek professional help: Consider counseling if their grief interferes with their ability to function.

Additional tips:

Show your emotions so they know it’s OK to feel sad or angry.
Encourage them to keep some of the person’s special things.
Help them celebrate special days like birthdays and holidays.
Communicate with their school and extracurricular activity groups so they can offer support.

UTSW Grief and Bereavement Support Resources

Monthly Grief Support Group

Coping with the death of a loved one can be overwhelming. Many grievers find that attending a grief support group provides the opportunity to openly and safely discuss their reactions to the loss. Group members receive emotional support, validation, and education about grief. UTSW offers a monthly grief support group to families of Simmons Cancer Center patients. This virtual group is facilitated by social workers on staff and is offered at no cost. The group meets every third Thursday from 5:30 - 7 p.m.

Please register using this form.

Individual Counseling

Individual counseling provides a griever with opportunities to consider the loss and the impact of grief on today and the future. An individual counselor can assist with coping strategies for grief. The sessions provide the space to talk through difficult aspects of the grief experience and find meaning in the context of loss. These sessions are offered through the Simmons Cancer Center and are provided at no cost to the individual.

If you are interested in receiving individual counseling, please email us at SupportiveCare@UTSouthwestern.edu